Why Being Kind to Yourself is the Key to Confidence and Healing
If there’s one thing I’ve learned on my journey, it’s this—we are often our own worst critics.
We tell ourselves we’re not doing enough, not handling things well enough, not strong enough, not “over it” fast enough. But here’s the truth: healing takes time, and confidence isn’t built through self-criticism—it’s built through self-kindness.
It took me a long time to learn that. For years, I thought being strong meant pushing through, never asking for help, and never admitting when I was struggling. But what I’ve come to realize is that true strength comes from giving yourself the same kindness you would give to a friend.
So, let’s talk about why being kind to yourself is one of the most important things you can do—not just for your confidence, but for your healing.
Why Self-Kindness Matters More Than You Think
When I was younger, I struggled with accepting my scars. I knew they told a story of survival, but there were still days when I wished they weren’t there—when I wondered what life would have been like if my accident had never happened.
For a long time, I told myself I had to “get over it” and “just be grateful.” But the truth is, healing doesn’t work that way. You can be grateful and still have hard days. You can be strong and still need self-compassion.
Being kind to yourself is important because:
- It allows you to heal without pressure. Healing isn’t a race. When you stop expecting yourself to “move on” by a certain timeline, you give yourself the space to truly process and grow.
- It helps you build confidence. You wouldn’t criticize a friend who’s struggling—you’d encourage them. So why not do the same for yourself? Confidence comes from believing that you are worthy, even when you don’t feel like it.
- It helps you move forward. Self-criticism keeps us stuck. But self-kindness? That’s what allows us to take steps toward a brighter future.
How Self-Kindness Changed My Healing Journey
There was a time when I felt like I had to “prove” my resilience. I thought that if I just kept pushing forward, kept working hard, and never let anyone see my struggles, that would make me strong.
But the truth? I was exhausting myself.
Then, one day, something shifted. I was looking at an old photo of myself—a photo from before my accident—and instead of feeling sad, I felt something else: compassion.
I thought about everything that little girl had been through. I thought about the surgeries, the pain, the challenges—and how, through it all, she never gave up.
And that’s when it hit me: I needed to start speaking to myself with the same kindness I would give her.
I started changing the way I talked to myself. Instead of saying, You should be over this by now, I told myself, You’re doing the best you can. Instead of thinking, You should be stronger, I reminded myself, Strength comes in many forms, including rest.
And you know what? It made all the difference.
Because confidence doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from self-acceptance.
How to Start Being Kinder to Yourself
I know self-kindness isn’t always easy. We’re used to being hard on ourselves. But small changes can make a huge difference. Here are a few things that helped me:
Speak to Yourself Like You Would a Friend
Think about someone you love—maybe a close friend or a family member. If they were struggling, would you tell them they weren’t good enough? Of course not. You’d encourage them. You’d remind them of how strong they are.
Try this: The next time you catch yourself being self-critical, pause. Ask yourself, Would I say this to someone I love? If not, reframe it into something more compassionate.
Let Go of the ‘I Should’ Statements
We all have that little voice in our head saying, I should be doing more. I should be stronger. I should have figured this out by now. But healing isn’t about meeting expectations—it’s about progress, no matter how slow.
Try this: Every time you catch yourself saying, I should, replace it with I am doing my best.
Celebrate Small Wins
Confidence isn’t built overnight. It grows with every small step forward. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Did you get out of bed today, even when you didn’t feel like it? That’s a win. Did you speak up for yourself? That’s a win.
Try this: Each night, write down one thing you did well that day. Over time, you’ll see just how far you’ve come.
Give Yourself Permission to Rest
We live in a world that tells us we have to be productive all the time. But rest is productive too. You don’t have to “earn” self-care—you deserve it simply because you’re human.
Try this: Schedule rest like you would any other important task. Whether it’s a nap, a walk, or just sitting quietly with a cup of tea—make it a priority.
Remember: You Are Enough, Just as You Are
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. You don’t have to have it all figured out to be valuable. You, as you are right now, are enough.
Try this: Stand in front of a mirror and say, I am enough, just as I am. Even if you don’t believe it yet, say it anyway. Over time, you will.
Final Thoughts: Kindness Starts With You
If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Because healing isn’t about rushing to “get over” things. It’s about learning to live alongside them. It’s about giving yourself grace.
And confidence? It doesn’t come from being flawless—it comes from embracing who you are, scars and all.
So today, I encourage you to practice just one act of self-kindness. Whether it’s changing the way you speak to yourself, taking a break without guilt, or celebrating something small—start today.
