We live in a culture that treats white space on a calendar as an emergency that needs to be fixed. We sprint from meeting to meeting, classroom to classroom, and Zoom call to Zoom call, checking off tasks and measuring our worth by our momentum.
But if you look back at the moments in your life where you felt truly seen, safe, or understood, I can almost guarantee they didn’t happen during a formal presentation or a structured performance review.
They happened in the “in-between” moments.
They happened during the quick chat in the staffroom while waiting for the coffee to brew. They happened in the five minutes of unstructured banter before a meeting formally kicked off. They happened in the hallway when someone paused, looked you in the eye, and asked, “How are you, really?”
In my work speaking with corporate teams and educational leaders across New Zealand, I’m noticing a dangerous trend: we are completely optimising the humanity out of our workplaces. In our effort to be efficient, we have eliminated the margin. And when we lose margin, we lose the very spaces where human connection, empathy, and psychological safety actually live.
If we want to build workplaces and learning communities that thrive, we have to step into Self Leadership and intentionally reclaim our relational margin. Here is why those tiny gaps in your day matter more than you think, and how to protect them.
Efficiency Costs Us Empathy
When our schedules are packed back-to-back, our brains enter a low-grade survival mode. We aren’t listening deeply; we are just calculating how much time we have left before our next obligation.
True connection requires a brief pause. When we remove the “in-between” moments from our days, we stop noticing the subtle shifts in our colleagues’ or students’ behaviour. We miss the sigh, the heavy shoulders, or the hesitant tone of voice that signals someone is struggling.
Connection over perfection means recognising that a five-minute human interaction can sometimes do more to boost team morale and psychological safety than an entire semester of wellness initiatives.
Margin Creates Momentum
It sounds counterintuitive, but taking time to slow down actually speeds things up. When people feel seen and supported in the small moments, trust builds organically. And when trust is high, collaboration is smoother, difficult conversations are easier to open, and teams recover from setbacks much faster.
Reclaiming your margin isn’t about being unproductive. It’s about understanding that the quiet spaces are the fuel that allows you to handle the high-pressure moments with resilience.
How to Reclaim Your “In-Between” Moments Today
You don’t need to overhaul your entire organisational structure to bring human connection back into your day. You just need to practice a few micro-habits of Self Leadership:
- The 50-Minute Rule: Experiment with cutting your standard 60-minute meetings down to 50 minutes, or 30-minute catch-ups to 25 minutes. Intentionally leave those remaining five to ten minutes entirely unscheduled. Use it to breathe, stretch, or simply be available to connect with someone nearby.
- Arrive Five Minutes Early (For the Chat): Don’t use the minutes before a digital or in-person meeting to frantically check emails. Keep your laptop shut or your screen cleared. Use that brief window simply to check in with the people in the room as human beings first, workers second.
- Protect the Casual Touchpoints: Don’t underestimate the power of the staffroom or the shared kitchen space. Making a cup of tea shouldn’t be a race back to your desk. Let that physical space serve its true purpose: a sanctuary for informal storytelling, shared laughter, and mutual support.
Human-first workplaces don’t happen by accident; they are built by leaders and individuals who have the courage to slow down when everyone else is speeding up.
This week, I challenge you to look at your calendar not just as a collection of tasks to execute, but as a series of opportunities to connect. Protect your white space. Value the pauses.
Because it’s in the quiet, unscripted moments that we truly help each other rise.
